The Struggle is Real

Hi and assalamualaikum.
#Stayathome
#COVID19

So, how's life? Kena kurung dalam rumah, tak boleh keluar suka hati, mereput dan mampu balas pandang dengan dinding dan siling. After all, jangan lupa bersyukur sebab still boleh tengok mak ayah, kakak abang, makanan ada ja atas meja, and still tak kena tempias hujan lebat or panas terik. Sikit ja lagi. Sikit ja lagi. Bertahan, guys.

Since dah 13 hari RMO, and hari ni macam lain sikit vibes dia, i decided to go social media distancing, so nak tak nak terpaksa update blog. HAHA. Nampak gila tak ikhlas kat situ. Alang-alang dah tak tahu nak buat apa, so kita rant kat sini. Tak ramai yang tahu pun kewujudan blog ni haha. Kurang sikit dosa kalau termengumpat. Ops!

Actually dah lama nak tulis pasal struggle yang paling-paling besar i rasa macam batu besar hempap atas kepala atas bahu since masuk second year. Tak, sebenarnya i dah perasaan benda ni long wayyyyyyy before, which is i'm not an artistic person. Btw, buat yang macam tak berapa faham pasal artistic ni, artistic = having or revealing natural creative skill.

Dulu-dulu, even masa sekolah rendah, during subjek KHB, i macam tak berapa nak reti buat tukang-tukang kayu, menjahit or benda benda yang libatkan skill tangan ni. Pastu naik form 3 kan ada subjek Reka Bentuk dan Teknologi kan, kalau macam benda benda hands on ni i macam mampu buat yang termampu, dia tak ada sense of arts tau. I don't really pay attention on that thing, sebab rasa macam itu kelemahan diri, and why i have to highlight it. like normal la kau tak reti one part of thing kan, just leave it.

But, it becomes a big issue bila i amik dentistry. hold on, before that, fyi, dentistry ni is about art and science, meaning u kena ada otak yang brilliant dengan segala diagnosis, prognosis, pathology, physiology, anatomy and the list goes on. but at the same, u kena ada skill tangan because most of your understanding tu akan diinterprate kan atau bahasa mudah dia akan diterjemahkan kedalam bentuk treatment gigi yang u nak kena buat. so it requires u to have some sort of artistic hand, and bila u guna all the equipment and instrument, u kena ada sense, even a tiny motion just 1 cm pun u dapat bezakan the differences and the outcomes. 

Frankly speaking, i don't happy with my hands, plus how my brain works too. Guys, percaya lah, dalam hati ni berapa kali i sedih, menyumpah, frust and semua benda la bila apa yang kita bayangkan tak menjadi. tambah-tambah bila dapat komen yang tak memberangsangkan. atau tambah-tambah your friends kiri kanan depan belakang semua nya jenis handy person. sekali try dah dapat pujian melambung-lambung. it hurts inside. seriously.

Even though 1000x i rasa mcam why why why and why i tak macam diaorang or why why why why i pilih jalan ni which i know akan menduga my kelemahan, i just embrace it. because Allah chose me to be in this field. sounds like ustajah kan? tapi that's the only thing yang paling sedapkan hati antara semua ayat nak sedapkan hati. i have to admit my weaknesses, and nak tak nak kena teruskan hidup jugak sebab dah halfway kan?

at this moment, the only thing yang i mampu buat ialah cari tips nak hidupkan sense tangan even susah sebab dia macam not running in the blood, i elakkan untuk compare my work with others, just compare between my first work , second, third, forth and see the improvement. set my on pace, pastu doa je lah. i akan doa sambil usap-usap tangan supaya Allah kurniakan skill tangan yang baik. hahaha. sumpah sedih.

kalau korang baca post ni and macam tak boleh relate, it's ok. tak perlu hadam pun. i write it here, so that the future me one day kalau kau baca post ni ingatlah diri kau masa second year meraung raung struggle nak dapatkan skill tangan. so if future aida dah ada skill tangan yang hebat tu, plis congratulate yourself okay?

Ini my box of first. Dalam ni ada semua dental things yang i kena buat, 
and semuanya my first outcomes! (Special tray, base plate, perspex training and etc) 

This is my toolbox, carrier utk letak semua prosthodontics punya barang 
so that kitaorang mudah nak bawak ke hulu ke hilir.

Sekarang i tengah work on removable partial denture, so least things are needed. 
In the pic: torch, rubber cup and casts.

My first complete complete acrylic denture. Sumpah buruk guys kalau tengok close up. 
But, never mind ;)

Ini semua conservative punya exercise. Real tooth yang kitaorang kumpul dari clinic. Some of the exercises are fissure sealant, PRR, GIC, Composite, Deep Caries Management.

bye nak sambung nangis,
aidasakinah. 

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